Sunday, November 16, 2014

Sueños

Sueños

Háblame de ti,
cuéntame de tus sueños,
los sueños ya realidad,
los sueños casi por cumplir.

Háblame de tus sueños ya muertos,
los que nunca pensaste cumplir,
los que cumplirás jamás.

Los sueños que no nacieron,
abandonados antes de nacer.

Sé de los sueños que viajan,
los sueños que cosechan y trabajan.

Que tal los sueños robados?
Los sueños sin palabras, los sueños masacrados?

Los sueños de ella en el escalón con su hija.
Sus sueños arrinconados en la salida de un tren,
Serán sueños felices? Parecen tener frio o talvez cansadas de viajar en tren.

Viajan en acero, haciendo escala o líneas sin parar,
Viajan a pie, a gatas con rodillas sobre ríos sin nadar,
Dejan sus pies la tierra y sus tierras en el olvido.

Son pecadores los que sueñan muy alto?

Son pecadores los que sueñan hasta al rato.

Saturday, November 8, 2014

Viernes Friday















Viernes Friday

Viernes por la noche es el tiempo que paso,
El tiempo que vendrá usurpa el tiempo que se ira.

On a Friday night, I see the wheels fly, the cars of honks horn, the lights of signs shine,
Se siente como Noche Buena o talvez es  New Year’s Eve,
Esperando más allá los cuadros de la sala o la ropa sucia sin guardar.

On a Friday night, I learned a new truth,
A truth I’ll unlearn by next Friday at night.
Descubrí que la vida tuvo un desencuentro con el tiempo,
Y que el viernes odia el lunes como la verdad detesta lo incierto.

I walk a little slower, no tengo mucha prisa,
Finalmente se murieron los muebles deslavados por la brisa,
Los marcos abandonaron las fotos que colgaron tanto,
Pero porque haz olvidado tú las canciones que cantabas hace rato?
Por qué no recuerdas el día que naciste o la primera palabra que dijiste?

On a Friday night I want to let go, to make it last forever or as far as I can go.
Friday night is Monday dawn, 
La tumba de la semana es la cuna que ya se uso.

Sunday, November 2, 2014

Hace Dos Noches Llovio


Hace dos noches llovio


Por fin llovió, hace dos noches llovió!
Hace un año sin llovida,
Se le olvido al tiempo lo que es llover?

Se convirtió seco,  ya no quiere llorar,
El tiempo estará atrasado, adelantado, o se ha ido a un nuevo lugar?

Se me había olvidado el sonido del agua caer,
El olor de árbol mojado, la paz de un techo sin caer.

Cuando lloverá otra vez?
Se le olvido al cielo que la tierra tiene sed?

Abandono el oficio del llover,
Talvez la tierra enlodo las nubes y el cielo ya no quiere llover.

Sunday, October 26, 2014

Soy hijo de LA…

la tienda de mi abuelo y su papá


Soy hijo de LA…

Soy hijo de la mujer que es mi madre
Soy hijo de María, María del Pilar
La patrona de España, con el mismo día de Colón

Soy hijo del hombre que es mi padre
Soy hijo de Felipe, Felipe de Jerez
El cantinero del oeste y el mesero de algún Sansón

Nací con ojos y con pies
No soy insecto ni soy un nuez
No tengo espada ni corona
No se andar a caballo, pero si a pie

Soy hijo de un hombre y una mujer
Soy hermano de un hombre y una mujer
El nació antes de Navidad y ella hasta que la rosca se partió

Yo nací en verano
Aprendí a bañarme en la noche y despertarme tarde en la mañana

Mi vida pasada no la se
Fui un sastre o albañil como mis abuelos

Mi vida siguiente no la se
Leeré la biblia o matare cerdos como los papás de mis abuelos

Seré una catedral de piedras viejas, entre nubes, llena de luz y cosas de oro por dentro
Seré un hoyo en la tierra, entre paisajes, lleno de nada y cosas olvidadas por dentro

Nací en los tiempos de ti, coincidí contigo

No nací ayer y ojala no muera hoy

Sunday, October 5, 2014

Telenovelas reveal a culture about passion

From tequila farmer to First Lady of Mexico: Popular novela actress Angelica Rivera is famous for numerous roles, especially her character "La Gaviota," a noble and hard-working jimadora, or tequila farmer. Now she lives in a novela turned reality as the current First Lady of Mexico.


Telenovelas reveal a culture about passion

                Telenovelas have been a constant during the last three to four generations of my family’s identity. Growing up, I learned that my dad watched fútbol and my mom watched novelas. Inevitably, I perceived these to represent rituals celebrated by men and women separately. Soon enough, I realized my confusion about not knowing which gender exhibit to follow, instead pretended not to be more eager about dramatic love stories than twenty two men chasing a soccer ball.

Eventually, my closer relationship to my mom allowed me to gravitate more to soap operas and gradually consume three hours of every weekday night through the time I finished high school.  Although the development of telenovelas in Mexico during the late 1950s was intended to educate women about social values including work ethic and religion (some say as a political campaign from Mexico’s 71 yearlong “dictatorship” to brainwash or educate the population) they became the most common television entertainment for Mexico during the 1980s and 1990s. Ultimately, numerous novelas have been exported; either translated or modified to non-Spanish speaking countries to create a powerful international industry for Mexico. Perhaps this product has remained so appealing because it commercializes Mexican culture. The unique excitements created by the words and combination of these existing only in Spanish, the nostalgia of old hacienda backdrops, or the exotic regional landscapes culminate in a product about a passion for romanticism.

Essentially, these stories describe a very basic love story that is melodramatic, but also uncomplicated, illustrating characters and situations that are either very “good” or “bad.” The emblematic story expressed hundreds of times is most successful: the poor girl who falls in love with the rich man and must challenge a conservative society’s stigmas to reach a happily ever after. Effectively, this poor girl resembles the best virtues of a Mexican character past-and-present. She is the hard working, generously sympathetic, always brave, and piously Catholic who will stop at nothing to reach her goals of providing for her family. All her honesty will pay off and suffering will end during the final episode’s elaborate wedding scene. All, or most novelas, end with marriage accompanied by the cursive words “FIN” (or END) flying across the TV screen. “The point here is that while Latin American soaps may showcase morals and values… they are ultimately about the value of the family and the authority of tradition, which are reaffirmed by rewarding the good, the moral, and the worthy (that is, the asexual, pure, and innocent woman, and the remorseful and repentant man), with heterosexual love, marriage, and fortune.” (Davila, Arlene. Latinos Inc. p169)

Accordingly, I consider telenovelas responsible for indirectly creating a perspective for many Mexicans that represents the ideal sequence of life events leading to a romanticized outlook of a prosperous life. They continually instill Mexican and Latino families to be “traditional and committed to family, to community, and to the espíritu de superación (spirit of overcoming)” (Davila, Arlene. Latinos Inc. p158)

Nonetheless, this everlasting concern for being romantically hard working, yet romantically family oriented is what makes Latinos so different from White Americans. In my opinion, success in the USA is measured by how busy a person can be. White virtues are not so much about being a certain character, or displaying values like sympathy or nobility, but more about what you do. Typically adventurous, self-confident, White Americans portray an attitude that is down to business, or sometimes competitive. “Hispanic marketers’ emphasis on speaking to people’s hearts, and the sensitive nature of the ethnic consumer, who does not demand information so much as words spoken to the heart.” (Davila, Arlene. Latinos Inc. p240)


Perhaps novelas’ emphasis on love is evidence that Latinos are a more sensitive people. Novelas are proof that the “spiritual Latina” is passionate about dreams coming true through reverence for tradition and family. “You should do things because of your family, you should do this because it’s protective of the land, you should do this because it’s going to make you feel more like a man, this macho thing.” (Davila, Arlene. Latinos Inc. p239).  The “rational Anglo” is also passionate, but maybe their passion lies more directly to themselves, becoming a person about tight schedules, balanced budgets, and calculated adventures. 

Friday, August 15, 2014

Deseo de Cosas Imposibles


Deseo de cosas imposibles

Que será un día sin horas?
Dejar de respirar y sentir más aire que asfixia,
Vivir entre sueños, el despertar, y el dormir

Que será este lugar donde la gente vuela, todos comen,
por un día nadie llora, y la muerte es solo gozo?

Quiero un día en la memoria sin saber que estoy despierto,
tomar café antes de dormir y tomar alcohol sin vomitar

Si podría regalarle todo a ellos lo haría, pero no lo tengo...pero aun lo haría,
talvez un lugar donde la gente no hable, sin tener que actuar ni fingir

Sera este un día en la playa, de frente al sol, o dentro de un cuarto obscuro y olvidado?
Avísame cuando lo encuentres, dime tu si lo escuchas y lo sientes
Serán los ojos de él, o los abrazos de ella, en el recuerdo de lo que fue y nunca será?
Avísame cuando lo encuentres, dime que color es
Talvez no tenga color, será un color sin color talvez?


Tuesday, July 22, 2014

I run, I run


I run, I run, I cannot run, the stars above me, I see, are too fun.
The lanes for cars, I cannot see, I’d rather walk or sleep to flee.
The lines for walls, I cannot draw, I’d rather see them fall.

Talk for me, I cannot talk, scared to hear you put me down.
Will not say, will not act,
Scared you think like me not, I’d grudge and judge and not be sweet as fudge.

Hot is winter, cold is summer,
Borders are for hoarders, suits are used by nukes,
Separate me by color, separate me for my colors,
Sunday will retire, and July won’t always be.

But your tears may save our drought!
So cry for those who suffer, kids who briefly be,
Cry for those who want, who have not known
the smell of sounds of silence never shown.

Words were mean to me, when I knew what meanings couldn't be.
Waste your time a lot, waste your time no more,
Life is not a lifetime, life is just a tease.


I wonder where they go, those who briefly be.

Sunday, May 18, 2014

Dead Spaces



Dead Spaces

I saw a mother crow make a nest,
Her sticks and chicks hid in the stones of an old church’s crest,
Are the voids between those high columns to create for the crows’ rest?


Or the boy and girl who hide in the dark,
Hugging and kissing against a tree bark,
Does the night tree guard from seeing their love’s spark? 


The boys who skate above the short wall,
Sliding and sailing, they pretend to never fall,
Do they not know those walls retain the grass and dirt, and are only for bugs to crawl?


I remember a nine-story staircase where people smoked,
Exit signs covered in doodles, where people joked,


I remember a room where someone choked,
I’d never sleep inside this, where he died as no-one hoped.


I remember another room where I did in fact sleep,
Covered with photos of my own, my grandma here left for eternal keep.


Will we know the use of every space?
I keep going up and down the elevator just to feel close with my lover’s grace.
Which will be the last place I’ll chase?


Seems like this space is to stay and play, but I know I must embrace to pay before the last day.


Saturday, May 10, 2014

LA migración




I saw this statue and quote during my visit to my parents' hometown. Located in the town's entrance, the monument pays tribute to migrants who leave Mexico to pursue the "American Dream." 

“Los migrantes vamos por un sueño Americano, unos perdemos la vida, otros lo logramos, cuantos suenos Mexicanos mas hemos de matar por ese sueño Americano?”//// “The migrants pursue an American Dream, some of us lose our lives, some of us make it, how many more Mexican Dreams should we kill for this American Dream?”


I imagine what life would be if my parents had never left their hometown 30 years ago. Who would I have become if I was born and raised in Jerez, Zacatecas instead of Los Angeles, California? Would I have received the same education and economic “privileges” that I have now? Would I have the same body shape, skin color, clothing taste, or music palette? Growing up in a small, conservative town would be noticeably different than living in the multicultural LA behemoth.

Perhaps these thoughts and words would be in Spanish. Perhaps my faith would strictly be in God, my values would align more to my grandparents,’ and perhaps fear would closet my hand from holding another man’s love more openly. Nonetheless, in my case, I know that I would have been raised by countless family—maybe 20 aunts and uncles, 40-50 cousins, and real sets of grandparents. My relationship to these people would exceed my existing bond of forced, 30 second phone conversations occurring only during special years.

Accordingly, this lackluster story between me and an entire culture that could have been my own highlights my feeling of “missing out on something.” Yet, I’m not exactly sure what that “something” means, possibly a completely unknown perspective of re-interpreting the world, or just a group of people who share my same ancestry line.  Whichever it might be, it seems like my parents exchanged my opportunity to co-exist with other Murillo or Salazar tribe members, and swapped it for a better future.  Certainly my feeling of being “robbed” is just romanticized, and even if I had grown so close to these people would I really have maintained too close?

During the course of the last generations, millions of families left Mexico for improved opportunities, but have the chances really been greater? Do these economic pursuits offset the sacrifice of my parents abandoning their families and cultural identities? My parents only planned to live in Los Angeles for a short time, save money, and eventually return with pockets full of dollar$...but that clearly never happened.

Opposite to my parents, many families did stay in Jerez or moved to neighboring big cities in order to stay closer to family. As a result, I have cousins who also received a better future, and even attended college and have career goals similar to any other American kid. But why did my parents leave and other parents stay? When I asked one of my uncles why he stayed, he explained that migration to the USA, for a while seemed more of a trend than a necessity. One family member would curiously leave and his success story motivated his whole family to follow. “Era la moda,” he said to me in Spanish, which literally translates to “Was the fashion.” Interestingly, I never understood immigration as a trend, conversely, considered it the only option for some families’ economic survival.

My uncle’s use of the word trend or fashion vocalizes the possibility of immigrants as followers who follow for the sake of following. My father followed and exchanged his small town for a dishwasher’s job. With the best intentions, a minimum wage salary in a place of a foreign language became the best alternative.  And 30 years later, I wonder if it was worth it for him, for his parents, his family back home?  Definitely, it was worth it for me because I’ve been able to cherish the dollars of his work.

My parents belong to a generation of immigrants whose stories in their language and religion will be lost to an American Dream. I have families to which I will probably never speak, and it’s hard to think not only about the distance barrier between us, but a language and culture that inhibits any interest. What is the benefit of immigration? Are the families who stayed in Mexico really living any better or worse than my own?

Finally, immigration has surely allowed many families to re-unite in a new space to fulfill an American Dream. But to those victorious, what exactly is this dream? Is this dream about spending dollars in any way? Or can this dream simply be about vigorously providing for those you love? However, does the American Dream actually disrupt families, break traditions, and create even more cultural barriers among households?


Maybe there’s nothing really fascinating about my parents’ unknown stories, or the unknown of the American Dream itself, yet the idea of not knowing can overly romanticize any facts. Perhaps that same unknown convinces people to come and go, to want more, to want the greener grass of the other side, only to discover it’s really just the same shade of sun-burnt green on any side of any fence.

Sunday, April 13, 2014

The Cult of LA












“The Cult of LA”

I was born and raised in Los Angeles during the early 90s ugly Hollywood, then moved to the Russian, not so gay side of West Hollywood, and finally made my home in the Latino, not so Korean side of Koreatown. And after living in the Bay Area for four years, my three years since then have been about re-discovering or understanding my “hometown” for the first time.

My “re-contextualizing of LA” moment happened while I was taking a piss at a fancy brunch place in Hollywood. In the process of standing there in the urinal stall, I could hear the sounds of Mexican songs, kitchen staff jokingly blitzing away orders of gourmet foods with thick accents not craving the flavors nor knowing the meanings of menu items pronounced. The plates of good food, like good buildings or good cities, are built by the labor of those who will usually never experience their end product. Like the deaths for assembling stones of the Nile’s pyramids or China’s Great Walls, the lives dropped to the monumentality of temples for any type of god, or just less tragically, the time of oppressed dreamers who will never taste the nectar of fruits they've cropped, or plates of good food they've served to me.

Walking back to my seat, the Spanish slang of excitement disappeared to English chats about the Oscars occurring across the street. Back and forth, from the kitchen to the seating booths, an equal battle of blabbering for topics important to each in English or Spanish, organically juxtaposed each other in the same room.

And finally, I can see that the beauty of LA is this dichotomy of sounds and flavors inside the cities within the bigger cities that encompass the overall city. The beauty of LA is the everyday gala of graceful palm trees highlighting the axis of red carpets for expensive looking cars rushing at 80 degree sunshine year-round. But incidentally, the beauty of LA is the product of hustling migrant groups that need to pay rent and food, and allow the beauty of LA for the other hustling, image-driven groups that need to transcend to stay relevant.

Perhaps in LA, there is a cult obsessed with self-creating a unique image—seeming like a perpetual red carpet enamored with being radiant. Especially, in my own generation’s popular goal to seem celebrity: to eat, drink, travel, exercise, dress, and talk like a famous hoe.

In the cult of LA, people worship a lifestyle and engage to its rites and ceremonies inside over-the-top restaurants, trendy beer bars, highfalutin gyms, and filtered photos that venerate an ideal about being the next best thing. Conceivably LA is a city of frivolous wannabes, a city that wants to act like a first world metropolis, with the coolest, meanest people around. But a city of wannabes is not a bad thing, for to be a wannabe, one wants to be… better?

My parents came to LA for any better job. Equally, artists embrace this city to become a star, and newly yuppies seek to urbanize their youths of backyards and picket fences.  In the end of the day, cities, like people just seek opportunity and acceptance. Like in high school, there was an affliction to win a seat in the most dignified lunch table. Maybe LA is a high school full of teenagers trying to find the right crowd. And like most teens, their ways of calling attention are flashy or naïve. Obviously, LA is relatively young and will establish a more mature identity with time.

Alas, cities are people. And like people, their beauty should surpass an image or words. The infinite potential for LA’s greatness is already in our backyards (or windows/balconies). LA wants to be everything that has already been done. She wants to be on the cutting edge of transportation, architecture, and sustainability. But LA can’t follow models of NYC or SF because it particularly lacks a central place. Uniquely, LA’s public spaces occur in trafficked freeways or jammed parking lots. However can traffic be exploited to whimsically create new types of energy, freeways to fill in the voids by socio- economic climates throughout hoods, or this same vastness to equally allocate housing space for its growing population?

“Community disintegrates because it loses necessary understandings, forms, and enactments of the relations among materials and processes, principles and actions, ideals and realities, past and present, present and future, men and women,“ is American farmer Wendell Berry’s critique of the modern world versus the romanticism of agrarian life. Possibly any big city is a cult, or the same prototype of LA’s cult, yet I believe that the most successful way to progress will happen by understanding one’s own principles, histories, and processes occurring inside and outside our own immediate lens.

From the beaches through the micro-cities ending at Downtown, to the eastern unending suburbs, the neglected southern jungles, the northern silence of valleys and canyons, and all the freeways in between and around this cosmic plan of LA. Los Angeles is an example of the modern city, but overly eager about a cult of standard image making.  Being able to visualize the beauty of diversities within its communities will re-humanize our city. Finally, in the journey to become a standardized corporate or Hollywood tool, we forget where we come from and where we really want to go. Being in touch with ourselves may re-humanize our city as an interactive lab channeling new orders between our communities and greater ecosystems around us.